Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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