I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
two words...techno handjob
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
