happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize