Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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