plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
