I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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