stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
