i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
