you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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