I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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