worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
