the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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