we have pet lesbian snakes
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
