I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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