Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize