i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He felt like a one man threesome
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
