Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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