So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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