So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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