Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
