When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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