he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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