i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
