You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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