woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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