in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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