Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
