You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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