she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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