I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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