i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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