You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
