my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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