Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
