I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
