I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
