It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
