So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
