after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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