dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman