I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.