marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
