i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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