1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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