I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
