One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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