May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
