So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
