i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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