Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
