Don't you send me to vm
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
