The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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