Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
