Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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