Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
