I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
