I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wear drunk well.
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