i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His nipple licking is glorious
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