She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
